Suffering - Success and Friendship
Anyone can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success. — Oscar Wilde
It seems all to rare these days to find people who are genuinely happy for other people’s success. If you were on a quest to find even an elementary age child free from the language and spirit of envy programmed into them by parents, media and society - I fear it would be a far too lengthy journey.Â
To hear from the mouth of an uncoached teenager a natural and genuine exclamation of delight for the success of another is rare enough in today’s society to qualify it as a rare gem. To combat this societal deficit we adults must lead out – our examples must not be so hard to see, our words so hard to hear. Envy is such an unattractive thing… Grateful I am for friends who genuinely treasure my successes, some seemingly even more than I do. They are rare…they are treasured.
Gratefully Yours - Kirk
November 8th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Hi Kirk,
Thank you for your message on gratitude - I couldn’t agree with you more!
My heart was full this weekend when I read a note from my 12 year old daughter. I was on a weekend retreat, during which the participants receive letters of love and encouragement from family members & friends.
After saying a few nice things about why she likes me, she said that as she grows older, she’s coming to appreciate more and more the ways I show her my love. I was so floored by that, and grateful, too, because one of my goals with my kids is to inspire in them an ongoing awareness of gratitude and appreciation, and to be able to express it freely. I haven’t been preachy on that one (they get plenty of preachiness out of me in other ways), I’ve just tried to live it as I believe it. I’m so thrilled to know she’s been watching.
I realized a couple of years ago that I rarely, actually never, tell my Dad I love him. Mom, sure…but not Dad. I realized it just about the time I realized that my daughter had stopped saying it to me. No coincidence there. And it didn’t take me long to figure out that my Dad needed to hear it from me as much as I wanted to hear it from my daughter.
So I started telling him. It was pretty awkward at first, for both of us. I’m sure he didn’t know what to make of it, and I didn’t tell him what had initially prompted me. I just let him know when I have the chance that I love him.
So back to my daughter’s letter: when she says she’s been more aware of appreciating me lately, I know how sincerely she means it. A few months ago, she told me “I love you,” unprompted, for the first time in over a year. She said it in the darkened room, after we finished paryesr and I had kiss I left from tucking her in for the night. I asked my wife if she’d said something to her about it, but she hadn’t. A week later, she told me again. And now it’s back to an everyday occurrence, and my heart could not be more full.
Still appreciating your uncommonly common sense,
Jim