Stupidity - It may be catching?
Before you read this as posted -  Let me issue an apology - The title of this BLOG eviently belongs to me for being a “Fat Head” (which is nice compared to what some have said today)
It was like one of those times I said something to my wife Rebecca and it came out wrong. You know when you wish you hadn’t said something because it came out differently than you intended.  I am sorry for it - please accept my apologies.Â
I have to say that I have gotten some pretty strong e-mails about this blog.  The majority of them positive but some very negative and this because I obviously was not clear enough about my context and intent. So let me attempt once more to clarify - IT IS NOT my intent to offer commentary on health, fitness or fatness - the news and media outlets are doing plenty of that for us all.Â
IT IS or WAS my intent  to point out the positives in their research. Research that was, in my opinion, not even necessary. WHY? Because it told us what we already know - which is that we are influenced by our peers!!  I am not a proponent of nature over nurture - I believe in personal accountability and that means I believe we all have a CHOICE. So if I choose to hang around a bunch of Skateboarders - I am not doomed to become one because of association. (Not that there is anything wrong with skateboarders)
Still common sense tells us - and every parent knows - that if your teenager is hanging out with a group of kids who smoke and drink - there is a HIGHLY increased probability that they will too! That is what I was hoping to communicate with today’s T4D today.  My point was that the article being about obesity was not relevant - it could be about anything….
In the context of corporate culture - if we want a more positive and powerful culture in the workplace then we need to become a more powerful and positive peer group. The article again references the “positive power of peers” and the more effective way to change behavior. I didn’t do the research, I didn’t write the article, this has been on every news station and in every newspaper for the past 2 weeks.Â
Anyway - My apologies for those who it may have offended.Â
Today’s T4D follows
Most have heard the news blips of the past few weeks telling of the research suggesting that hanging around Obese increases your chance of weight gain. I’ve posted a reprint of the World News piece on my Blog for a most intersting full review.  It’s titled “Big” friends a “Big” problem? I highlighted some of the text for emphasis of what I thought were some key points.Â
No, I am not a social spokesperson for health and fitness - but I am a student of personal and social behavior. I remember someone telling me that we are constantly becoming an average of the five people we spend the most time with. I think that the research referenced in the article suggests something much more disconcerting because it says that spouses and family play a secondary role of influence to friends!
If there research has any merit, and I believe that it does…then the it would also hold true concerning hanging around stupid friends, victim minded people, bitter people, negative people, spiteful and dishonest people - etc etc.
Jim Rohn says, be careful who you hang around with because they influence your thinking - and you don’t want stinkin thinking” (I paraphrased that) I was taught and try to teach my children… “be a friend to everyone, but choose your best friends wisely.”Â
 Kirk Out
August 26th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
I can’t believe you would foster this kind of nonsense.
Fat people are the last group that can be made fun of and ostracized.
I have 2 of your books, signed and have met you twice. Before your posting of this drivel I considered you a forward thinking individual and a pretty nice guy overall.
I will be unsubscribing from your “Thought for the day” .
I guess my money was not too fat when you accepted it for your products.
I am saddened and dissapointed in your narrow-minded views.
Let’s not hang around anyone different then us… what a crock.
To compare someone negative or bitter to someone strugling with a weight problem is probably the stupidest thing I have ever heard.
Not a very Christian attitude.
Anthony Giudice
tonyjudge@gmail.com
August 26th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
Kirk,
I have followed your thoughts for nearly three years now since hearing you at a conference. I am a dedicated daily reader of your newsletters. Until now, I was never motivated to post a comment.
I was quick to share this article with my entire family. It nicely summarized a core tenant of community we try to share with them. It is their choice, no, a responsibility of our children to chose who they hold as friends, whose values they aspire to and share. If they are uncomfortable with the values and priorities of those around them, it is not an excuse for them to adjust\change their values. More importantly, we feel compelled to give them the strength to hold true to their values when it can be tempting to change them just to attract ‘more desirable’ friends.
I understand how someone reading the article may look at it literally and take it in context of IQ or weight. I read it in a much larger context. The message is not about intelligence or physical conditioning and how they should be measured or accepted. To me, it was a reminder that we make concious decisons each day about what values are important to us, how we respect, grow and nurture those values through our actions and interactions.
Can’t wait to here you speak in person again this week in Colorado Springs.
Doug
August 26th, 2007 at 10:24 pm
Yep… what Doug said…
It’s lucky we finally have scientific proof of a law that’s been in effect since oh, about as long as gravity - “Birds of a feather flock together” “Great minds think alike and fools seldom differ”.
I loved your humorous way of presenting it too. Oh and I know you love fat people just as much as skinny ones Kirk
especially those ones that are actually engaged in fighting the daily battle that we all are to overcome our weaknesses to move on in life - goodness knows I have my own ‘fat’ issues I’m dealing with myself.
Daniel
August 27th, 2007 at 10:02 am
I really enjoyed the way you took the information in that article and make it a positive thing. However, I was really dismayed at your last comment. Do you really teach your children not to choose a fat person as a friend? I’m thinking of all the large people I have known in my life … many whom have made my life richer, sweeter and have helped ME to become a more tolerant person. Not because of their size, but because of what is INSIDE of them. I shudder when I think of the people I might not have met had I listened to nonsense like that. Shame on you, Kirk.
August 27th, 2007 at 11:53 am
I too have been a long time subscriber to your T4D as well as one of your biggest fans & promoters not only in our company but to other companies when the opportunity has presented its self for a speaker. With that being said, I have never felt inclined to post a comment but I could not let this one pass.
My initial reaction was one of total humiliation as all of a sudden I felt like “nothing” but a fat person who anyone should be concerned to be around. All my successes despite the events of my life were meaningless and that I no longer had anything to offer to my friends and co-workers.
Though I agree with the comments of Doug (when I am more rational) and understand the larger context as well…since we have always taught our family walk and talk it daily. On the other hand, I felt everything Anthony posted as well in my hurt and tears.
This was not a shining moment T4D in the lives of some of your readers. You chose to use only a part of that study in the main body of your T4D and then to add insult to injury, you finished on the note about “fat and stupid”.
I know you by what I have seen and read over the years…you could of done a better job on this. This was not the writing of a man who I have come to respect and know loves the Lord and would never want to cause harm with his words. I’ll remember that soon I’m sure.
August 27th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
Kirk - I understand exactly what you meant by this. I currently share an office with an extremely negative and unpleasant person. I like to think that I am a very positive and pleasant person to be around. It has been almost one year that I have had to suffer with this person next to me and I have been begging my manager to move one of us, but so far, no results. I do worry that this person’s influence will negatively affect me because it can be downright overwhelming at times. There are some days that I lose all motivation to work because of this negativity and unpleasant attitude that I am forced to deal with.
Keep up the great T4D’s I love them.
-Julie Smale
August 27th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
My brother Kirk-
I took no offense to your recent T4D article: Obesity & Stupidity - May be catching?
If I read or listen to something that is offensive to me, it’s my choice to continue reading or listening. Sometimes folks tend to get a bit sensitive on certain subjects and it’s certainly their choice, but to backlash or otherwise make an issue to “soapbox†it, is offensive in itself. I picked out the real message. Going back to the recent HDI conference during the Dennis Miller – Live show, I was taken aback by how many people chose to walk out of the program. I completely understood and respected their choice but I was completely appalled when I heard a great number of these people speaking out so harshly against Mr. Miller. My point is, reading and listening is our choice. If I don’t like what I’m reading, I close the book; I delete the email, ETC. I personally print out every T4D, keep in a binder and share with friends and family. Keep ‘em coming, I really look forward to T4D in my inbox.
Love ya - Ben Arroyo
August 27th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
Kirk, when I read your T4D this morning I too was hurt by the reminder of the article that you mentioned. I am 55 lbs overweight (although I have lost 33 and am much less overweight than before) and the thought that someone would stop being friends with me strictly because of my weight is painful. I did however look beyond the article to your point which is extremely valid. I considered giving a “yet another insightful T4D” comment earlier but in the end did not.
I think you did a much better job getting your point across with the Jim Rohn article but the Obesity article has a more “current events” spin.
One last thing, none of the articles mention that if you don’t agree with your friend’s influence you can also try to change it, saving the friendship but destroying the negative influence. Sometimes all it takes is suggesting taking a stroll around the block instead of sharing a slice of cheesecake or saying “I’d rather you weren’t so negative” rather than just being silent and giving the impression that you agree.
I am sorry I did not give you my support earlier. You have strengthened my life with ALL of your T4D’s and I am eternally grateful.
Cathy
August 27th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Thank you for your open apology to those of us that were taken back by our initial reaction to your T4D.
I hope Andy will give you another chance. I’m glad I read your new one. You are a man of integrity! See you at the meeting.
Thank you for your response. I am feeling more rational and a little less beat up (which was partly of my own doing in how I reacted).
You are a wonderful speaker with great content.
You are a man of integrity.
You are a man who can acknowledge when something could have been done better and learn from it.
You are a man who has much to share with people.
And most of all, of course you will always be welcomed at our meetings. I’m sorry I reacted so badly earlier (what I sent was better then what I started out writing) and feel like an idiot for getting so emotional.
After your response en mass to T4D, and your individual note to me, you are still on the top of my recommendation list! (fell from grace with some, modified course, back on top: all in a few hours…if only most of us could be this blessed!)
Debra
August 27th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Hi Kirk,
I’m new to your T4D and what a way to begin! Humility, integrity and sensitivity (well, the second time around) all in one day! Thanks for clarifying today’s initial T4D.
I subscribed to your T4D to have a daily, positive influence in my life. We all struggle with parts of us that we would like to improve. Change is hard for everyone and that’s why we want to join together in your community - - to be better friends and better family members to those we love.
Thanks for being honest and candid while leading us by example to admit when we goof and correct ourselves quickly. We can all learn from this one…
Best regards,
Beverly
August 27th, 2007 at 5:53 pm
Kirk,
I am a rather full figured person (over 275 pounds) and I took the article as you intended it. I liked it as it was and want you to receive some positive feedback also. I have met you a few times and hopefully know you are the type of person that is not to hurt but to inspire. Keep up the great articles - I share them with my team all the time!
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
“T”
IT Manager
Service Desk
August 27th, 2007 at 6:06 pm
Brother, I loved that T4D. All those that took offense need to get a life and read between the lines a little better. Heck, I’m overweight and since reading that T4D it has really made me think… the people we hang around really DO have an influence on our negativity, our sarcasm, our obesity…thus I am banning my in-laws from my life! Thanks, Kirk! I hope you continue writing the way you do, as it’s honest, light fun, deeply thought provoking, and brilliant. Power to the Poop, someone raise a fist!
jason
August 27th, 2007 at 6:09 pm
Very well said, and I’ve since caught your other clarification, which I wish I’d seen before writing you. I have to tell you that I am quite impressed that you respond personally to these comments. That, says a lot about you and your character.
I did pick up on the context behind the statements, especially in the second email. Believe me I’ve had my foot in my mouth more than once, and if I had been in the right frame of mind I, too, probably wouldn’t have thought it was an attack. Anyway, all is well, and I am still a respectful reader. Again, thank you for taking the time to address me.
Teresa
August 27th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
It’s obvious that the written flogging you took with regard to today’s thought for the day, only proves your original intent. The company we keep undeniably influences our behaviors, prejudices, attitudes and often
our own self-esteem. Sometimes no matter how well you articulate a point, there are those dull-minded individuals that will miss the point entirely. In the words of comedian Ron White, “You can’t fix stupid.” Stupidity, on the other hand, is a state of being, and as such, indicates more often than not, conscious choice. It’s a conscious choice to be offended.
Deb
Technology Management
ITIL Support Systems
August 27th, 2007 at 6:19 pm
Kirk,
FYI… I just read both of these emails together today because I was out of town over the weekend. I wanted you to know that your original message made complete sense to me. It must be hard to send out universally inspiring messages day after day that appeal to the masses - I don’t envy you! I work in marketing at our company(you visited our company earlier in the year, as well as doing an evening presentation at the Professional Help Desk Institute meeting). Working in marketing is constantly a challenge… it is such a “visible” job. So, I feel your pain when you meant to send an informative, eye-opening message and it ended up in a backlash.
Hang in there. I look forward to reading your messages daily and I find them enlightening. Your message titled “obesity & stupidity” contained a lot of what I consider COMMON SENSE - but as you know, some people don’t want to be reminded negative topics, even if they are also obvious facts. I assume that overweight people weren’t pleased by the message because they probably took it as a threat that you were driving their friends away. Conversely, they could have construed what you said as, “if you choose to hang around with people who are fit, you may increase your chances of becoming fit yourself.”
Regardless, your message was plain and simple… and not at all surprising. As they say… the truth hurts… so it is inevitable to step on someone’s toes when a topic like that comes up.
Just wanted to send you my support. You remind me a lot of a friend that I met overseas 10+ years ago, and still loosely keep in contact with. Its a breath of fresh air to get messages from him - as he is continually the optimist and sees challenges as opportunities, similar to your outlook on life. I try to surround myself by as many people like this as possible, because often I need a little push to improve my attitude.
Take care,
Jenny
August 28th, 2007 at 10:41 am
Kirk ~ When I first saw the articles in the paper and online regarding obesity being ‘contagious’, I thought the same thing…you will grow to be like the people you are around.
I am obese, but have found a group of smart friends who all realize that we have to get our weight under control if we want to have a long fruitful life.
The fact that people would be offended by your comments completely blew me away.
If you are offended by this article, you should really do something about your weight, not take it out on others. Get a life, get a sense of humor.
August 29th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
Ahhhh, Kirk–I’m with you on this one. I have The Class of 2008 this year, and I want them to hang out with people who have character, goals and aspirations, self-respect and respect for others. I can’t change the 5 in their lives, but I will be pointing out to them that if they want to be more than an “artist: who draws a check”, they need to be with people who are striving. I want them to hang out with the super scoopers so they will become super scoopers, too. Hey, I’ve got a little extra weight–and I am not offended by your T4D. I guess I took it the way you intended and didn’t notice the way it sounded to others. In any event, I’ve initiated my seniors into the dog poop initiative–I hope they’ll be super! And for what it’s worth, my five love to laugh with me when I’m laughing at myself!
Raising a fist with Jason!!
Mz A
August 31st, 2007 at 10:14 am
Kirk,
The one thing that I have learned from over 30 years in management is that regardless of the messages you try to convey, many people hear what they anticipate is going to be said. If they perceive a flaw in themselves, they always feel the message is a finger pointed right in their direction. All one can do is continue to communicate to the best of one’s ability and hope that the messages are properly absorbed by the few who are open-minded enough to see beyond their own insecurities.
Keep up the good work.
Ginger
August 31st, 2007 at 1:06 pm
Hi Kirk,
Your apology, and the insight of some of your other readers, reminds me of a topic discussed the other day in my men’s group: forgiveness. We discussed how it’s often easier to forgive transgressions from people we’re not close to, than from the people we hold dear. One guy suggested it’s because we hold our loved ones to higher expectations than strangers - an inciteful observation. Another friend recounted a hurtful word from a family member, regarding the death of a loved one and delivered in a heated moment. Though it was many many years ago, he still has trouble letting it go, and it clouds his emotions when she’s around.
To that I suggest that we have to look at the whole person, our entire experience of their character, behavior and attitudes, and ask ourselves, “In light of who I know this person to be, does this incident fit the picture?” If it is, well, I shouldn’t be surprised when they do something hurtful — I’ve seen it before, I’ll probably see it again (if I choose to stay close to that person.) But if not, then I have an obligation to my friend, and to our relationship, to give that person the benefit of the doubt. As Crucial Conversations calls it, ‘to change my story’. When I can do that, I find I can forgive more easily.
Take heart, my friend, here’s your silver lining: we love you that much. I respect the opinions of your detractors, as I know you do, too, and I would never say they’re off-base. But I think (for many, probably not all) that their hurt and sense of betrayal is a sign of how close they feel to you, that you are dear to them. To wit, you and I have never met in person (and I suspect that’s the case with the majority of your readers,) but I count you as a close confidant and mentor, because of what you’ve given of yourself.
(Fade out to the music of Spike Jones, with apologies… “You’re always hurt/by the ones you love/the one you shouldn’t be hurt by at all….”)
Love ya,
Jim
June 25th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.